After the birth of my third child, my life fell into a tailspin. My baby had colic and cried constantly. If he was awake, he was crying. The birth had been difficult, and I was dealing with the emotional aftermath of feeling like I had failed somehow in the process of getting him here. During the labor he got stuck in the birth canal, and everybody kept telling me to push! Push! Push him out! But I couldn’t. I tried but I couldn’t push against the pain.
After he was born, I asked if he was okay and got no response. I asked again and again, no response. I didn’t know if he was alive or dead, but what really got to me was realizing that my thoughts weren’t ‘I hope he’s alive.’ Instead, they were ‘I hope I didn’t kill him. I can’t live with that guilt.’ That one thought haunted me for years. I had to force down tears every time I spoke of the birth.
Needless to say, with the guilt from the birth, the constant crying, and the stress that was my life at the time, my mind slipped into postpartum depression. I didn’t realize I was dealing with it for months, because I checked out first. I shut off my mind and went into survival mode so I wouldn’t have to feel what I felt. I turned everything off. But I couldn’t turn off the pain anymore than the next person. So I stayed in it, stuck in a darkness I didn’t know I was in.
My baby was about six months old when I realized I had a problem. It was a couple of months after that when I put a name to that problem, and finally connected the dots, knowing I was experiencing postpartum depression.
The signs: I cried all the time, I felt trapped constantly, I knew I needed help but couldn’t ask for it, I felt like I was drowning; like maybe I was dying. Sometimes I wanted to die. I felt incredible guilt, eating away at me constantly because I wasn’t good enough no matter what I did. I couldn’t do enough, couldn’t serve enough, couldn’t take on enough. I had no strength, and the smallest things triggered me. It was a living hell.
That was five years ago. The reason I share this is because I’ve learned that there is life on the other side of wall. Postpartum was a living hell, but I gained immense power in myself by overcoming it. I rediscovered my strength, rebuilt and restructured my values. I found love again. I found God again. I found family again. I found myself again. And the person I found was much stronger than the person I had left behind.
While the road I traveled wasn’t easy, it gave me many wonderful gifts – compassion, empathy, love of Self, love of humanity, strength, belief in myself, and more. These gifts are gifts I wouldn’t trade.
I’ve spent these years discovering myself, studying communication and completion, diving into my Self and completing old habits and stories that helped to create the depression. And I’ve learned how to do this for others.
My Postpartum coaching is a unique experienc for many reasons. The biggest reason is that first and foremost, when dealing with postpartum you need to be heard and you need to rediscover your value. You need to recognize your power, and the power you have to overcome your postpartum, to realize that you are not a victim to the illness and you have the power to rise above any situation life throws at you.
With my coaching you will be supported and encouraged through the process of self discovery. You will also receive training and guidance to find strength and power when you feel you have none. In addition, since all of my coaching is based on building a foundation of integrity, accountability, and action, you will be coached on creating these structures around your postpartum in a way that empowers you to live your life and live it fully.
What you get:
The Rediscover Yourself coaching is a six month program designed to help you find power again inside your postpartum.
This coaching is done via Skype or phone calls.
The program includes:
- 20 phone calls spaced weekly during the six month process (the structure is one call a week for four weeks, one week of no calls, one call a week for four weeks, etc.)
- Support through Facebook and/or Email for the duration of the program.
- All of my training and discussion videos regarding postpartum, which are designed to empower you on your journey.
- Videos that you can share with your family and friends, which help explain what it is you’re experiencing and what you need from them.
- Together we will create an action plan for you to follow that will empower you in your rediscovery process.
What I won’t do:
I am not a psychologist, and I won’t operate as a therapist or treat you as a patient. Therapy and help from the medical community can be beneficial when treating depression, and if you have or need a therapist I’ll encourage you to do whatever you need to feel supported.
What I will provide is a path for you to rediscover yourself and find healing through the experiences that may be contributing to your depression. My commitment is to be a space for you to rediscover all of the incredible pieces that make up who you are, and help you live inside them.
Remember, postpartum is simply an experience you are going through. It may feel like the end of the world, it may feel like life is hopeless, but there is hope even in the darkest of times, and you can find it.